Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Live to tell the tail.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.