Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?
I-scream!
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.