Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.