What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!