What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.