What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.