Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?
I-scream!
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!