Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.