Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.