Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!