I feel tail great!
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
The calm before the score
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Having a ball
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Give me some pigskin
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.