The goal nine yards
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
We’re calling your number.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I like your tight end
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
We’ll have a ball.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
The huddle is real
I made a snap decision to watch football today
I feel tail great!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.