What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
All punts are highly intended
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
The goal nine yards
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
We’ll have a ball.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
We’re calling your number.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
The huddle is real
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
