Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
We’re calling your number.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
I like your tight end
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
All punts are highly intended
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Calm before the score
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.