I like your tight end
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
I feel tail great!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
We’ll have a ball.
Having a ball
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
All punts are highly intended
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
By the seat of one’s punt
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Case in punt
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
