Tie Jokes

The Thirsty Criminal A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun. He is close to desperation when suddenly, he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties. 'Hey you, do you have water?' Pants the criminal. The old man replied, 'I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.' The criminal, frustrated shouted, 'you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!" 'There's no call for threats,' said the old tie seller indignantly, 'but even though you don't want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I'll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you'll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!" Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the other man sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting. "Everything ok?" Asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man. "They won't let me in without a tie..."
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Hold up, I don't want to fall for anyone else but you, so let me tie my shoes now.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
May I tie your shoe?
Because I can't have you fall for anyone else.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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