Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button. Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Went to ask my girlfriend's father for his daughter's hand in marriage. He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!" I thought long and hard, and eventually said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"
The wedding is next month.
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