Closest Jokes

Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
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