Able Jokes

"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan Oโ€™Brien
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
A Senior Customer A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?" The old man said, "But I won't be able to..." "C'mon man.... give it a try... " She says. Old man says okay. They go in. The moment they get to the bed, the old timer becomes a machine and makes passionate love to her an hour straight. When he's done, the prostitute catches her breath. Exhausted and tired she says, "But you said you won't be able to...." "...pay you." completed the old man.
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But thereโ€™s never a question
About MY digestionโ€”
Anything does for me!

Cats, youโ€™re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozesโ€”
Any place does for me!

...

People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
Itโ€™s nobodyโ€™s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, heโ€™s
Ridden by familiesโ€”
Any load does for me!

(Charles E. Carryl)
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
What do you call a magician nut?
โ€œAn individual who is able to turn into a nut.โ€
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I donโ€™t think sheโ€™ll be able to pull it off.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl on the river. Would you like to get a drink later with their money?
I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
If I had a dollar for every time I was planning to go on a diet, Iโ€™d be able to buy a treadmill Iโ€™d never use.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
Iโ€™ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, Iโ€™ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
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