It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.
We're donion rings.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
I think we need to become better strangers.
I really like you. So does my wife.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
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