Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
You look like my future ex wife.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
You are so right. And I am so left.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
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