Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
You looked better when I was drunk.
I think we need to become better strangers.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
You look like my future ex wife.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
I think we need to become better strangers.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
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