Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
My fridge is hotter than you.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Are you a red light because stop.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
So how many cats do you have?
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