Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
So how many cats do you have?
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
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