Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
So how many cats do you have?
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Are you a red light because stop.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
My fridge is hotter than you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
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