Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
My fridge is hotter than you.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
So how many cats do you have?
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you a red light because stop.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
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