What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
