How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.