Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.