Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.