Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen