What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!