This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
