Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
