Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.