Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.