Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.