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Written Jokes

Knight Puns
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
History Puns
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Pea Puns
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Classic Pick Up Lines
Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.
Garden Puns
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Toilet Puns
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Witch Puns
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
Fridge Puns
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Oral Hygiene Puns
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Travel Pick Up Lines
Did you overstay your visa? Because you got 'fine' written all over you
Literary Pick Up Lines
Are you an overdue book? Because you have fine written all over you!
Deer Puns
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Funny Aging Quotes
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
Funny Money Quotes
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk