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Throw Jokes

Knight Puns

Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.

Food Poems

If life is like a box of chocolates,
is it rude to ask for candy?
Can you really say with certainty
that you even understand me?

When life hands you lemons
I think you'd better run.
Cause life can throw a curve ball
and hit you just for fun.

I can do without the chocolates
You can keep your lemons too.
Life is what you make of it
not what it makes of you.

(Sarina McConnell)

While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)

Pig Puns

How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.

Food Quotes

“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown

Pea Puns

If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.

If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.

Garden Quotes

"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel

Bathroom Puns

Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.

Kitchen Puns

Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.

Toilet Paper Puns

My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes

"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."

Animal Pick Up Lines

Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.

Peach Puns

In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach

Funny Parenting Quotes

“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

- Reese Witherspoon.