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Thinking Jokes

Witch Puns
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Funny Money Quotes
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
Kitchen Puns
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Mushroom Puns
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Music Pick Up Lines
Are you that note I messed up? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
Canadian Pick Up Lines
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's cuddle.
Food Quotes
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
Funny Aging Quotes
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
Peach Puns
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you...
I'd start thinking about you.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
Garden Quotes
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
Friendship Quotes
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown