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Spend Jokes

The Husband's Budgetary Concerns
A rich man comes home and immediately starts shouting at his wife. "I've been looking at our expenses and they are through the roof! What have you got so much to spend on? From now on, things will need to be different!" "Different how?" the wife asked. "Well, for starters, if you learned how to cook, we wouldn't need a personal chef. If you learned to clean, we wouldn't need a maid!" The wife looks at him and responds: "Then we just need to teach you how to satisfy a woman. Then we can let the gardener go as well."
Canadian Pick Up Lines
Call me Kathleen Wynne ‘cause I’d spend all my money on you.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
Funny Money Quotes
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
Funny Parenting Quotes
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
Australian Pick Up Lines
Let’s spend some koala-ty time with each other.
Spotify Pick Up Lines
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
Babe, are you Spotify? Because I would pay premium to spend uninterrupted time with you.
Are You Pick Up Lines
Are you a pile of soiled dishes? Because I want to spend the entire evening with you.
Funny Health Quotes
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
Cherry Puns
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Literary Pick Up Lines
I'd spend Tuesdays with Morrie, but baby, I'd spend every day with you.
Funny Aging Quotes
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
Funny Animal Quotes
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”

- Sue Murphy.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a nickel for every time my wife says that I spend money on frivolous things, I would have enough money to buy miniature golf clubs for my shower caddy.