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Soup Jokes

That Little Pill
A senior couple decides to try Viagra for the first time ever. They have an incredible night together. In the morning, the wife asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. “Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
Pun Puns
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
Food puns
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Kitchen Puns
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Asking Dad a Question
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting — don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
Utensils Puns
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Pea Puns
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
It Is SO COLD THAT...
How cold IS IT? It's so cold THAT... The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe. Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets. You have to break the smoke off your chimney. You have to open the fridge to heat the house. Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass. Police tell a robber to freeze, and he really does. Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about. People look forward to getting a fever Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office. We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress! Prisoners are begging for the electric chair. Richard Simmons wearing shorts that come nearly to the half-thigh region. Roosters are rushing into KFC and begging to use the pressure cooker! A streaker froze in mid-streak! I chipped my tooth on my soup. Dunkin' Donuts is serving coffee on a stick. The local flasher was seen describing himself to three different women this morning. We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm. I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket. I'm drinking hot sauce instead of coffee. Ice cubes are coming out of my faucet. Trees are chopping themselves into firewood. Cops are tasing themselves. I saw a greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside. The ice cubes in my drink have goose bumps. When all is said and done, I'm really thankful for the HOT FLASHES!
Stove Puns
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Family Puns
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Crow Puns
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Onion Puns
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
Baby, have you been eating your Campbell's soup? Because you are looking Mmm, Mmm good!
Ghoul Puns
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.