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Rules Jokes

Funny Parenting Quotes
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”

- Ewan McGregor.
Funny Money Quotes
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
Dad Puns
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?

Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes

Wife: Who makes those rules?

Me: The Dad Poet Society

Wife: (Groan)
Birthday Puns
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Firefighter Lovemaking Rules
A firefighter came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night." His wife thought it was a bit strange but also kinda kinky, so she agreed. The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "Bell 3!", they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!" "What the hell is Bell 4?" asked the husband. The wife said, "Roll out more hose. You're nowhere near the fire."
Quotes
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
Unknown
One Liners and Short Jokes
What are the 3 rules of Golf? If the ball goes right it's a slice, if the ball goes left it's a hook, and it the ball goes straight it's a miracle.
Witch Puns
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
Corona Virus Jokes
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Marriage Puns
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
1: . 2: .
Birthday Jokes
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Baseball Puns
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Grammar Puns
I violated grammar rules, so I got punished with the death sentence.
Death.