Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
I like your tight end
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
This summer is going swimmingly.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.