What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
We’ll have a ball.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
The basic rule in the bowling game is to ensure you leave no pin standing.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
All punts are highly intended
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Poor white splash.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.