What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Why wasn't the jogger all that bummed out when his girlfriend broke up with him?
'Cause they had a good run.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
What did his wife give the guy when he came home all sweaty from his run?
The stink eye.