Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing.
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Woman: No thanks, I don't like small talk.
Guy: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
Girl: "No, but I did scrape my knees a couple times crawling up from hell."
Man: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: What do math and my dick have in common? They're both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you.
Man: "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together."
Woman: "They got it right the first time with the N and O."
John, look me in the eyes. All of my life I needed a strong, good looking, confident man and you
are the one who can help me find someone like that.
Boy: You know quickie has u And i together.
Girl: Too bad ugly starts with a u.
Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland!
Man: Did you fall from heaven?
Woman: No, but I'm an Angel and died fifteen years ago... just like that pick up line.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d rather be dead
Than stuck with you!
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: I've lost my phone number can I have yours?
Woman: Sure, my number is 911-8473 (works better if you write it down)
Man: Are those space pants.
Woman: No!, They're softball pants because my ass is out of your league.
Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck!
Man: "Wow, you're tall! How's the weather up there?"
Woman: "It's raining." and pour a glass on him.
Man: If your left leg was breakfast and your right leg was lunch, I wouldn't be able to resist snacking between meals.
Woman: If your left leg was yoga and your right leg was cycling, I wouldn't be able to resist kickboxing between classes.
Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Man: What are you looking at?
Woman: Somethin ugly!
Man: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you before GLY
Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Woman: Okay, but would you stay there?
Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!
Man: Do you work at the Bakery, cause you have a nice set of buns.
Woman: Do you work at a Grocery store? Then why are you checking me out?
Man: Any Generic Pick Up Line
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.