Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.