What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
I love you so fairy much.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Seas the day!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!