I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Fishing you a happy day.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Go big or go gnome.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"