I think you're mer-mazing.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Seas the day!
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
