Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
You really mermaid my day.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
You mermaid to go far.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.