What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.