What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Live to tell the tail.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.