Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
