Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Go big or go gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!