Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Go big or go gnome.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.