What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Go big or go gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.