Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Go big or go gnome.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.