How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.