Football is one habit I will never kick
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
The goal nine yards
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
The calm before the score
The huddle is real
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
I like your tight end
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Give me some pigskin
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
We’ll have a ball.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
