I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Football is one habit I will never kick
Case in punt
All punts are highly intended
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
We’re calling your number.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Prepare to be bowled over.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
By the seat of one’s punt
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Calm before the score
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
The goal nine yards
I feel tail great!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Having a ball