Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Having a ball
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
We’ll have a ball.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Calm before the score
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!