Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
The goal nine yards
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Having a ball
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Give me some pigskin
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Football is one habit I will never kick
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
We’ll have a ball.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Prepare to be bowled over.