“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.