Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."